


Feels like time has hidden, And taken you too

by littlelychee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Growing Up Together, Homophobia, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Internalized Homophobia, Loss, M/M, Nostalgia, Reminiscing, Snippet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29363457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelychee/pseuds/littlelychee
Summary: There's nothing strange about his relationship with Jeonghan. Other people just don't understand what it means.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Feels like time has hidden, And taken you too

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chwengie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chwengie/gifts).



> This is in no way tied to real life events or meant to imply or be read as having anything to do with the real people concerned here. It is simply an exercise in thinking through one potential character and relationship dynamic, in an intentionally abstract and high level way. Please approach it in that spirit if you are going to read it, with the tags in mind.

There's nothing strange about his relationship with Jeonghan. Other people just don't understand what it means.

To grow up together through every awkward phase of boyhood into men.

To live confined and crowded in until you forget the precise borders between your self and his.

To touch and touch again until touch is habit and distance is fear. Dancing, exercise, sleep, exercise, dancing, not enough sleep, hands on hips, at waist, tangled legs, thighs, cool soothing fingers into aching, swollen eyes, moving through exhaustion into some kind of euphoria.

To monitor each other's looks, brutal judges of what will and won't pass muster with their corporate masters –

(You know it makes you break out!)

(Have you really exfoliated? That fast?)

– until one of them is so beautiful he simply stops the other in his tracks, no hiding it.

To rise and fall, mostly fall, fall despite every effort, pulling down the weight of so many other boys with you, their fate hangs in the balance and you the leader –

(How can they ask you to bear this pressure?)

(You don't think I can do it?)

(You know that's not what I mean)

To rise, at last, and rise, and rise, and see the glow of success, the joy, in each other's faces.

To get there step by painful step and stop to take a breath, enjoy the freedom.

Not strange at all to want to do that hand in hand with someone who's been with you through it all.

And if it's hard to let go, well, touch is habit, distance scary.

And if sleep is elusive without warmth against him as he teeters from tiredness into delirium.

And if he's not sure how to redraw borders blurred when he was too young to know the shape he really wanted them to be.

There's nothing strange.

It's just others can't know, can't be allowed to see what it might mean to him.

Wouldn't understand, you're just confused, tired, too much time together, I'm going to pretend we never had this conversation, son.

Habits can be broken. Fears overcome.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


End file.
